Hello! I hope everyone had a lovely New Year’s celebration. I wound up going to a friend’s party in which I knew two people. She was busy being a host, so I sat and spent most of the night with my other friend. He and I talked about old relationship woes, interesting stories, and how our 2018 went. It was low-key, a few tears were shed, but it wound up being a nice night.
There’s a lot of pressure on January 1st for it to be the benchmark of how the rest of the year will go. My mind keeps telling me to get up, make plans, go out, just do something! But, my heart is telling me to slow down. Reflect. Read. Write. As much as I want to start the New Year active and rushing forward, I recognize that I do need to settle in – at least for today.
Tomorrow, I go back to work and we are starting our winter project. I work at a University that hosts 20 students for a month long intensive course. I make sure that their schedules are in order and that they have everything they need to thrive in the program. This will be my fourth year with the winter program. Although I’m excited, I have a bittersweet feeling about this project. Tomorrow marks one year in which my entire life changed.
In short, once the program was over, I started dating my ex. And goodness me, what a whirlwind that was. Genuinely, 2018 has taught me how much can change in a year. I may have only dated him for less than a year, but I can tell you that in that time, it was one of the best years of my life. Which is why when we broke up, it absolutely crushed me. I didn’t know how we could go from having this amazing, exciting, loving relationship, to not speaking.
My ex and I have been friends for two and a half years. We were really close and once we started dating, it made so much sense. Now, I’m coping with the fact that we are not talking. I know we are working on (another) project together starting in a few days… but after that? I’m trying to get my heart in line with the idea of not working with him and not seeing him after February. It hurts. It genuinely hurts, but I don’t want to expect the best and be crushed all over again.
It’s been three and a half weeks. We are in a new year. I’m nervous about this coming year and yet, I’m looking forward to it. Considering how much my life changed in 2018, I’m curious to see what 2019 will be like. Here’s to finding out!